Your cart



Paint by number

Welcome to our latest ensemble cast of have-to-have beauty products! If you are looking for easy to use makeup that actually works then this is the place for you.

I have curated a bunch of my latest, favest products. Everything has been tried and tested by me. And this is good because I ain't no pro, so if I can make em work for me then any old dummy can. So enjoy my very own moron’s guide to makeup listed in order of application (sort of) and dotted amongst the jaw-dropping talent of artist spotlight for the week, Matthew Stone.

This new Marc Jacobs beauty Under(Cover) Perfecting Coconut Face Primer is perfect if you, like me, have a dry complexion. In my life long quest for skin that looks dewy, I have found a good hydrating primer can be the crucial difference between plump and pretty or dried up and pruney. This one specifically is made up of all different bits of coconut, and I don’t know about you but nothing leaves me feeling more refreshed than a little Pina Colada. So why shouldn’t your skin benefit from the same tropical treatment?


This Surratt Surreal Skin Concealer is officially the best under-eye concealer I have ever owned. You heard me! There are so many reasons to despise under eye concealers. They are either too creasy or too greasy or look dry and powdery, or they just don’t have enough pigment to actually combat the level of dark rings that 2 bottles of Chardonnay can leave one with. This concealer does none of these crappy things and does exactly what a concealer should do! Anything that enables my wino habit without repercussions is a keeper in my book. And that is why I am naming this my favourite product of 2019 (so far).

A dewy face is nothing if it doesn’t have a bit of definition. After all, we are looking for structure and enhancement rather than wormy orb faces. I like to achieve this contrast by playing with texture. Gone are the days where soap was used for cleaning your face. Heck no! Soaps have been swapped for Micellar water and cleansing oils. This means that soap has now been bumped to eyebrow duty. A little bit of this amazing stuff will have even the most measly of brow arches standing to attention. Add little Surratt Lid Lacquer to get that glossy lid without the sticky texture and you will achieve the dewiest (non-maggoty) status, like, ever.

Another favourite of mine from Japanese brand Surratt is their Auto-Graphique Eyeliner. It goes on super easily and is incredibly precise. But what I love most about it is the pigment density and how long it lasts. This product was a close contestant for 2019 Fave Product based solely on the fact that it is just so easy to use and doesn’t dick you around by smudging right at the point where you have finally managed to get your left eye to match your right eye. So for that, I lurve it too!

Last on the list of products I am loving is this super glossy Lip Lustre. Another one by Surratt. I love it in their dark plum colour, Trés Chic, but I would happily shmeer any of their colours on my mouth bagel. It is also a super easy way of jazzing up a white tee and jeans for the girl who wore a white tee and jeans to work and then received a DM from the guy they have been stalking on Instagram for a couple of weeks asking them to meet up for a drink after work. And if that’s all a little too specific for you, just whack it on coz it looks cool AF.

Enjoy my lovely little morons!



Editor, makeup user and makeup abuser