PROPS TO my little brother Micky for our puntastic title - proud sister moment!
This week THE X CARTEL is taking you all on a virtual vacay that you’d be happy to trade a kidney for, or first born child at the very least. This is as luxe as holidays get and I am here to guide you through the ins and outs of just exactly how to get the most out of your time aboard Prana by Atzana. The world’s most luxurious Phinisi.
Spanning a mahoossive 900 sqm of usable space this yacht has more fun activities to offer than Jay Z in a jacuzzi. With its Oasis Spa offering anything from facials to massages you won’t need that ‘happy ending’ to guarantee you’ll be leaving with a smile on your dial. And then there's the upper deck yoga, outdoor cinema and onboard chef to make sure your every need is met faster than you can say, ‘lebih silakan minum’ which is lucky since that is super complicated to say after the 1 or 2 (read 5) bottles of rosé that you will be downing all day.
I have selected a bunch of the cutest cover-ups, crew worthy chic clothing and high waisted bikinis to ensure you look gram-worthy every minute of your Indonesian adventure. I have also included some must-have travel buddies in the form of Dr Rita Rakus’s award-winning sunscreen (which I live, laugh and love in #blessed) and her body firming cream to keep your tushis taught in spite of the 2 tons of breakfast lunch and dinner you will be gorging on daily.
I have also pooped in a few of the natural bristle brushes that I swear by to help with lymph drainage and boost circulation. They are for realsies my secret weapon against cellulite. Or at least they would be secret if I stopped telling everyone about how much I love them. Another less than secret way to get you feeling fab for a special holiday is a little preholiday booty booster with Dr Galyna (aka The Body Expert). Anyone looking to amp up the peachiness of their derriere this summer should definitely pop into her office for a bespoke consultation so that you too can join the ranks of her army of pert bootied celebrities.
And now all that’s left to do is full up those goblets of rosé, grab hold of something steady (preferably a hunky skipper) and brace for the luxey impact of some digital downtime with the travel buddies you never asked for… me and THE X CARTEL.
Editor, Body Brusher and Drunken Sailor